Log in

No account? Create an account
ACCELERATED's Journal [entries|friends|calendar]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[28 Aug 2004|06:59am]

                        Isolation & Embarrasment
                                --a tribute to Yuan Qiongqiong's "Empty Seat"

        His name was Steven and hers was Stephanie -a pair of star-crossed lovers whose prospect of happiness was stolen from them.
        His father was a media mogul and a member of the late bourgeois who’ve made their way from rags to riches through hard work and entrepreneurial ingenuity yet play the role of pretentious old world bluebloods as if their nouveau riche status had won them the privilege and duty of looking down at the guttersnipes down the road. Ill-fated was he, to fall hopelessly in love with such a guttersnipe…to fall in love with her.
        Born in an ally way not more than 30 meters from the crack house her father spent the majority of his weekends at. She was not loved, not planned for, and not wanted. Thrown in a dumpster and left for dead, Stephanie’s life began with tragedy. Doubly doomed she escaped her salvation by means of the wretched kindness of a passer-by. She lives and suffers. She hoped for deliverance and attempted to quell her misery but death steps away and curses her with an extension of sentence.
        Ill fate becomes new life as she finds joy in the arms of a lover -a college student who caught a glimpse of her in an outing downtown. He caught a glimpse of a girl, sobbing in the mud with a needle in her veins, and saved her from folly and affliction. She loved him and he grew to love her as well, just as she grew to fill the void in his soul with a gold bullion that would never defray him.
        “Him & Her, Forever Together” inscribed in every tree on campus, in the park and by the road on the streets of the ghetto.
        The match made in heaven boarded a bus heading south from their masquerade in suburbia back through the university and into the city. Thinking of his father’s disgust and his own reputation, he knew his summer fling would have to die and today was as good as any. He whispered something in her ear and took a seat down the aisle from her. She wept uncontrollably and his only emotional reaction was embarrassment. That night, he managed to avoid her until his stop and she found salvation in the needle through her veins.
think !!

aged [08 Aug 2002|10:23pm]

"Oh, I had a weird dream last night."

I am falling. Backwards. I'm a bit disoriented, so I blink a few times. By then, of course, I'm in the water, splash. Keeping my eyes open seems like a bad idea now, because they're burning.

"What was your dream about? It had better be interesting."

Dive inCollapse )
3 thoughts | think !!

[25 Jul 2002|08:19pm]

She turns to herself and asks, "Why?", as if she expects an answer back. Of course, she doesn't get one, so she asks the nest best person. They tell her that she should know, and she wonders what the use is.

She feels like she has a violin inside her, with tense strings ready to play beautiful melodies, but only when properly handled.

Nobody's hands are good enough.

So now she has her unanswerable question instead, making her strings tense and more untouchable than ever. She knows that if she can find the answer that is playing hide-and-seek in her head, the string will become less tense, she will become less tense, and hands might well be good enough, or at least try.

Unknown to her, someone pulls out their bow where she isn't looking
think !!

half-half [24 Jul 2002|09:01pm]

The smoke filters upstairs, invading my lungs and stopping my breathing. Surgery left me with an inability to deal with even the remotest amount of smoke, along with the scar above my left eye and a new sensitivity to light. It's inconsiderate enough of her to have people over that I don't know to drink, which I don't do, and then expect me to hang around for them. God forbid I actually do what I want, what with it being my birthday and all.

He's up here with me, slightly nervous. The apprehension is shown in the slight tensing of his muscles when I lean closer to him, but it fades away slowly as I kiss him.

Suddenly, I'm sick of always having to take the initiative, and pull back. I turn my body away from him, expecting him to leave. His hands move onto my back, slowly enticing my muscles into turning my body back towards him. I expect him to apologize or tell me how much he loves me, but once again he defies expectations and he kisses me, hard. I find myself pushed back onto my bed, and the kisses get stronger, and rougher; my brain sort of disentangles itself from the entire situation, and I enjoy myself.

After limbs are no longer twined, he gives me that smile and I curl up into his waiting body; this is the one place where I feel safe and protected enough to completely relax. I drift off to sleep.

When I wake up, the relaxation is instantly gone, along with him. Inwardly, I'm swearing and crying and screaming, but I'm calm on the outside. Fine. I can deal with being a one-night stand. Breathe in, exhale.

Yes, I can handle this.
think !!

there's more, but you don't get to see it. [20 Jul 2002|08:09pm]

He throws me against the wall and I can hear my bones protest. Skin hits hard against rough brick that I know will leave dotted imprints in my skin. The pinpricks of blood already showing through my shirt, however, do not appease him. He walks up to me, grabbing my hair and pulling me upwards, only to throw me up against the wall again. This time, he and I both hear the snap of bones.

He reaches for his pocketknife and slides it open. Running the blade along my cheek, teasing me with a gentle caress, he lures me into closing my eyes. The second I do, the blade slashes across my skin, strategically moved downwards to my shoulder. Never leave scars on plainly visible skin.

Only he is allowed to see the white lines of his handiwork.
think !!

not all stories are true. not all perspectives are real. [04 Jul 2002|08:55pm]

I watch her as she bites her knuckles, eventually convincing the skin to tear away. The dripping blood reminds her of the fact that she's not being very socially acceptable at the moment, which will doubtlessly irritate him.

When did she become this half-being?

A tissue wrapped around her hand solves the problem of dripping onto herself, and if anyone asks, she can just say she hit her hand. She looks like a fighter now; he'll appreciate that.

He just won't get the irony.

He'll tell her that he loves her, that she's his best friend, leaving her to remind him, no, that's someone else, remember? That short chick that spends more time with him than she ever could; that allows him to pretend the screwups of two months ago don't exist, because giving people the easy way out is always good for them. She tells this to me with a lot of sadness in her eyes, a typical why-aren't-I-good-enough-for-him-where-did-I-screw-up look that it hurts me to see. There used to be pride and knowledge and this huge will to fight, to survive there, and now there's this plea for love from someone who is barely aware of her.

I want to kill him.
1 thought | think !!

It rains gasoline. [02 Jul 2002|04:54am]

[ mood | sleepy ]

Okay, a stupid story:

My mom, her friend, her daughter and I went to the gas station to get some gas for this thing we have that's for the lawn mower.

Well, it was cool. I got out of the car, I paid, and went back to fill the little ''bucket.'' Fine. I got it opened, placed everything how I was told, squeezed the nozzle, and BOOM gas ALL OVER ME. I was not only embarrassed, but also pissed.

My mom said 'What the fuck?! Try again you idiot!'

So I got even more splashed. It even got in my nose! I was so fucking pissed. And then I did it correctly, how I knew it should have been done in the beginning, if it wasn't for my mom's friend for ''correcting'' me. Damn it.

I left really embarrassed. Didn't even get the change. I got home and quickly showered.


think !!

igniting sparks [20 Jun 2002|11:07pm]

"Move over."

You do so, leaving a smallish space edged up close to you.

I, of course, sit down.

You're pressed up close to me; I can feel your inhale-exhale rhythm, your warmth. Your smell invades my nostrils and suddenly you're all around me; just for a second, everything's you.

Then it's gone, but you're not.

You lean in even closer, and look at me carefully, as if gauging my reaction to what you're about to do. My face is blank, because that would be telling. Shh, my pores whisper.

The second your lips touch mine, the blankness dissolves into what I'm really feeling, but your eyes are closed. I keep mine open, studying your face, just in case I choose not to do this again. I know I'd miss this; you're beautiful up close. I concentrate now on what we're doing, and my thoughts of right and wrong fade away into you.

Then, of course, they stray to him.

Was this what was supposed to happen?
think !!

Nos points communs [09 Jun 2002|10:25pm]

[ mood | relaxed ]

Lately, I'm into French pop music. I could really listen to this all day! hehe. I know, pop, of all music. Oh well.

see lyrics...Collapse )

think !!

black & white photography & me [08 Jun 2002|11:38pm]

think !!

[07 Jun 2002|11:47pm]

laughing, twirling away from water jets, running with my own. sunburnt, freckles kissed across my cheeks, dripping wet now, shaking water from my hair. eyes wide open, eyelashes clumped, mouth smiling. mud squishing between my toes, barefoot on wet grass and hot pavement that burns.

are not there.
think !!

I spend my life half-asleep [06 Jun 2002|10:01pm]

I'm always falling asleep on the bus. I never get much more than four hours of sleep lately, so I'm dead tired most of the time. I sleep on Braedan, or my neck gets really sore. He forces me into consciousness when we get to school.

Today, I fell asleep on him, and didn't really wake up when we arrived at that wonderful establishment of higher learning, so I went upstairs with barely open eyes and quite the crooked walk. I shove all my stuff in my locker, lie down, and fall asleep on Tyler.

(It was nice)

He tells me that he loves me, but sometimes I don't know whether or not he believes it and whether or not I should.
2 thoughts | think !!

[ viewing | most recent entries ]